Apomo

I was actually a call-in guest on a radio station last night. Was driving home from work, hit scan and heard something about Rick Warren being in hot water. Stopped to listen and it was a Christian station talk show host from Sacramento talking about how Rick is in trouble with a bunch of pastors because he’s invited Barak Obama to speak at his HIV conference. I don’t understand the hub-bub. But I called in to give my two cents. It went something like this…

 ”Hello Brian from Lodi…what do you think?

Hey man, thanks for taking my call. I’m not a fan of Christian radio but I heard this topic and I had to call in.

Right on! That’s what I like to hear! You’re my kind of guy. You don’t like Christian radio but you had to call in. We must be doing something right. Thanks for calling. We like to hear from people like you. (I laughed) . Why don’t you like Christian radio?

Well, I…uh… well…frankly it’s too much like church, boring and irrelevant. It just doesn’t touch me, I don’t get it and it doesn’t get me.

Hahahaha! Good answer! I understand what you mean. Well, it’s good to hear from you. What do you think about our topic tonight?

 (I kind of got the feeling that he thought I was an unbeliever)

To this point I’ve not thought much one way or the other about Rick Warren. In my mind he’s always been just another pastor of another big big church somewhere. But with his attention to the HIV issue and then being willing to bring somebody in from the so-called opposition to joing forces in the fight makes him my hero. I think it’s fabulous.  I think it’s about damn time leaders in the church get outside of their holy huddles and their glee clubs and start reaching across the aisle to people of other opinions to fight against a common evil. HIV and AIDS are among the defining issues of our time. If we don’t do something about it we’re useless as a church. All this whining I hear other callers making about “pastoral protocol” and “shielding the flock” and all that mess. What an insult to my intelligence. What an insult to the intelligence of the people sitting on the pews. It’s just more clergy elitism against the poor stupid sheep in the pews. It’s infuriating. It reminds me of the Pharisees and Saducee’s in the NT that would snivel and snipe at Jesus and his disciples for healing the sick and forgiving the sins of people on the Sabbath. They were getting all torqued up about protocol and procedure and Jesus was trying to transcend their religion and do the work of kingdom which is HELPING PEOPLE!! Rick Warren is trying to help people! He’s trying to do whatever he can do to do what is right! It’s not a matter of election politics and pulpit manners, it’s about what is right and what is wrong!

 Yes! Yes! You’re absolutely right! (I got the feeling I’d jumped on one of his talking points). Jesus was about righteousness! He was about justice and equity for the poor and the oppressed! You’re right!

I know I’m right! (He laughed) It’s about righteousness and all the rest is just…just…just…I wanna say BS but I guess it’s better protocol to say baloney. (he laughed). I don’t know about all the politics of the matter, nor do I care about all the religious sensibilities and hand wringing. I do know that Barak Obama and Rick Warren can do more together to bring attention and relief to the issue of HIV and AIDS in the world together as a team than they can apart. They both have influence in different cirlces and if that influence and join forces for one project it can help in others. But I suspect that’s part of the fear of some of the whiners. They’re more interested in fighting and in loving I think.

haha.

I think though that if I were Rick Warren I would have picked somebody else who has more street cred in this issue than Obama. I would have picked somebody like Bono who has dedicated much of his life and work and faith to these issues.

 Yes, I know. I agree. I suspect Brian that there was probably some effort to have Bono come to the conference and I would have been just as supportive of that as I am of Senator Obama.

Yeah, me too. I would have driven down there myself to see that. Bono is my hero.

Right on. Thanks for calling Brian. I hope to hear from you again. Don’t give up on Christian radio!

haha. Thanks Eric. Take it easy.

by Gap’s new jingle…”Peace, Love, Gap” . Maybe there is something altruistic in there but it bothers me that someone would so baldly use the primary message of the kingdom to sell clothing.

I’m not sure why but I always seem to feel as if I may die young. Weird, huh? Morbid for sure. Sorry. I’m not planning on it, but I’d just not be surprised if I died young.

I think this explains in part the pressure I feel at times to get things done, to get ahead financially, to get things figured out, to contribute in a significant way sooner rather than later.

I’ve felt this impulse most lately in regards to my two boys, especially my older one as he’s at the stage where I can be of greatest long-term influence. I seem to approach my parenting from the perspective that I may die and if I die too soon have I put into him/them what they need to negotiate life successfully, including a healthy Godview? It’s a very real burden I carry. It’s the burden that caused me to break down emotionally as I baptized my son a couple months ago. I can barely stand to consider it.

For the last several months I’ve worried that I’m not instilling a spirituality in my son that has the depth and vibrance he’d need to know God after I’m gone. I’m afraid that all my sarcasm, my cynicism, my pain, my frustration with Christianity/the church will have a deeper impact than my love for God. I don’t want him to be sardonic toward God, or even the church for that matter. I hope he understands that my anger is driven by a passion based on a love for the church, not a hate of it. Like a loved one who watches a brilliant child waste itself on video games and drugs I anguish for the church as it languishes in mediocrity and irrelevance. I hope he understands that. I suspect that he doesn’t though.

That bothers me. Alot. I’ve wondered how I can help him find God in a more personal, deep way. I remember that my spirituality was pretty deep at his age. I was asking fairly incisive questions back then, a philosopher in the making.

In fact, just a few days ago I went into a near rage as I remembered that God tried to lead me down the paths I’m walking now way back when I was a teenager. But I let church distract me. And now 20 years later I’m back to where I started. Oh where I could be today had I listened to God then as he pushed me to study “righteousness”. That would have lead me to Abraham, which would have led me to Romans, which would have led me away from legalistic salvafic formulas and into a world far different than I’ve known. Damn it.

My older son is a very smart, thinking kid. Even more so than I was. While he has a good heart and he’s a good kid, I don’t sense that spiritual pondering that I had. I want him to have it though. I got it from the constant exposure to spiritualism in my church. Our church isn’t like that, something that’s not altogether a good thing. His church experience has been fairly nominal. I’m sorry for that.

I want to teach him to read the Bible, to think about spiritual things, to pray. But I don’t do those things at home so he doesn’t see me doing it much. I work too much for that. I pray on the drives to and from work, I read the Bible over lunch, I blog during breaks. But he doesn’t see that.

He does hear me talk about stuff and he sees me reading God books all the time. I guess that’s something. Sorta.

I’ve tried to get him to read the Bible w/me but he’s not shown interest. I’ve tried to get him to memorize scripture w/me, not interested. He won’t pray out loud in front of me. I’m not sure what to do.

I’ve thought about maybe just talking frankly w/him. We had the sex talk recently. Maybe we ought to have the God talk. I’ll just be frank w/him and tell him my concerns and let him know that his relationship with God is his responsiblity and that he needs to think about it a little more seriously. Maybe that’ll help.

I was sucked into the cathedral of commercialism last night by the lure of free admission. haha. A buddy called and he had two free tickets to see the Sacto Kings vs. LA Clippers at ARCO Arena. The seats were located in the bastion of corporate largesse, the corporate suites owned by the team owners, the Maloof brothers of Las Vegas casino fame. I fell hard from the lofty perch of my previous post. haha. Had a great time. Free snacks and drinks and the bathroom was just steps away. Did I mention the flatscreen TV and swivel chairs? We sat behind the glass wall and acted like bigshots. My bosses photo was in the official game program. I didn’t realize he was part of an co-op w/several other agents and they’d purchased a full page ad. We had a couple signs around the perimeter and of course I contributed the commercialization of America by sporting my polo shirt emblazoned with the company logo. I’m just another brick in the wall. It was a good game to, complete with an alley-hoop that rocked the house. The halftime entertainment was pretty good too. A group called “The Recycle Band” and they performed high energy percussion routines using old plastic buckets and junk. They were really good. Kind of a low budget “Blue Man” group. They rocked. The intermission entertainment was pretty good too, namely all the silicone enhanced chicks going up and down the stairs of our section to and from the bathroom and beer stand. It was….uh….remarkably notable. Extraordinary. I actually wondered aloud if the section was sponsored by Hooters. Speaking of which, three of the Kings dancers came up to the suite to say hello. I admired them for their minds, not their bodies. Seriously! I’m such a dumbass though that I forgot to get a photo w/them. I think their names were Crystal, Twinkle, and Cherry. I wonder if those are their real names?

Last week I was somewhere up in Washington waiting in the car for my wife as she was in some store getting something. As I sat there in the rain I looked around and was amazed anew at the seemingly complete and total integration of commercialism and how the pursuit of money is so thoroughly ingrained into the fabric of our culture (sorry about the worn out cliches’). Honestly though. I looked around and there were stores, signs, street carts, drive-thrus, restaurants, billboards, signs and placards everywhere, delivery trucks. We’ve been conqueored by advertising. People wearing ads on their shirts, jackets, hats trying to get me to buy into a brand so that I’d buy the brand. Nissan, Mercedes, Marlboro, Red Bull, Pepsi, Value Menu, Sale!, sneakers, symbols and emblems….everywhere, the eye cannot escape the siren song of commercialism. I looked around and everywhere I looked there was not one person that I could see who was not engaged in trade and business at some level, myself included as I sipped on a Starbucks coffee and listened to the radio. It’s like we’re all inside the money making machine that churns on and on with the vaporous promise of “life” when in fact it gives us not much more than unfulfilled desires based on our own lusts. Like a clothes dryer it just spins and spins in an eternal cycle yet we end up right where we started a little more shrunken and worn out for our effort. Solomon called it “smoke”, I am beginning to understand. My sensitivity to the obvious and pervasive nature of this lie is high. We’re flying upside down, we’re in a collective vertigo. It’s pointless. As thankful as I am about my new job and my “success”, I’m more and more just wishing (and planning) to live a simpler extistence. Just to live smaller, less stuff, less pizzaz, do less, expect less, plan less. Just spend my time doing what’s important (relationships, vertical and horizontal) and a whole lot less time and effort doing the busy work of contributing to the economy. 

Had a good holiday, even though I had the runs most of the time. Sad, but true. Got a stomach flu last Tue and had it until Sun morning. I was in turrible shape. But, made the most of it anyway.

 Went to Tacoma/Seattle to visit my wife’s brothers and sister. 12 hour drive each way. My kids had a good time w/their cousins, even the dumbass one who is 14 yrs old, 6′ 2″, 220 lb and dumb as a box of rocks. My wife spent alot of time w/her siblings but I usually went to bed at about 7 pm and slept until 9 am.

Did some stuff while we were there though. We went to the Seattle Center, where the Space Needle is located, and were able to go through a very nice, once-in-a-lifetime special exhibit of The Dead Sea Scrolls. We spent about three hours in there. My 9 yr. old really dug it. They had a large section of Psalms, some Deut., some Isaiah, some Hosea and some Genesis there, plus some other non-canonical texts. It was all very interesting.

We lucked out in getting the tickets. We got there at 12 pm and they said the next ones available were for the 6:30 showing. We didn’t plan to wait that long so decided to go to the IMAX “Mysteries of Egypt” show and the Science Musuem instead. We waited in line for about 20 minutes and just before it was our turn at the window a guy walked up and asked us if wanted a free ticket to the 12:30 showing of the Scrolls. A $22 ticket for free! Uh, yeah. We were debating who would go see it when another guy came up and offered us a ticket for $15. I only had a $20 and in the exchange he dropped the ticket on the ground. I told my son to pick it up and give it to the man. In the rush we didn’t realize that my son kept the ticket and the man gave us third ticket because he forgot he’d dropped the other one. By the time we realized what’d happened he was long gone. So my wife, son, and I got $66 worth of tickets for $20 and we all got to go thru the exhibit.

The Science Museum was neat too, we skipped the IMAX thing. The next day we took my son to Fort Nisqually at Port Defiance. It was the first trading post/fort of the area. I find it ironic that our landmarks are basically the areas first shopping malls. The same thing in Sacramento with Sutter’s Fort, I blogged on that already. Anyway, he had a good time there. Bought a rabbit felt. Beautiful scenery up there overlooking Puget Sound. Awesome.

Watched the “big game” between USC and Notre Dame Sat. night. I think Ohio is going to win it all. They’re studs.

 Drove home Sunday and met some friends on the way home. Old Bible school friends. Were shocked beyond belief that my very strict, conservative friends are fighting the change to the dark side of liberalism. His wife has made the jump but he refuses to budge. You can imagine the temperature of their marriage. I feel for them. She dressed in her jeans and lipstick and he refused to come meet us because he was so embarrassed. We ate w/her and then went to their house to meet w/him. I’m really worried about them. Why do I always get invovled in this sort of stuff? I recently became involved in another very similar situation with some other UPC friends. I must be a controversy magnet.

Speaking of controversy. The church board has been having a series of contentious, heated emergency meetings lately about Rustin and I’s venture. They’re split down the middle about it and the pastor seems to straddle both sides of the fence. I hope he doesn’t fall, it’ll hurt. I’m staying out of it, letting Rustin handle it. One board member says he doesn’t want homosexuals in his church because he’s afraid he might catch something from the toilet seats. ????? Do people still think that way? OMG! Others on the board think it’s a very visionary, progressive thing to do and are all for it. The biggest arguement is how to structure Rustin’s pay now that he’s working on this new venture. Like I said, I’m staying out of it. No commento senor!

I don’t think visiting the Dead Sea Scrolls was a coincidence for me. I’ve been wondering lately, and planning to study out, textual criticism and try to figure out if my fundamentalist, literalist point of reference is the best way to interepret the Bible. I’m starting to wonder if maybe it’s not such a good way to interepret the Bible. But I’m almost too scared to go there because the implications are huge if I switch. Then I’ll officially be a liberal. haha. Seriously though, it’s been weighing heavily on my mind. I found it interesting that 1) the scrolls showed differences between themselves as well as the Masoretic and Septuigiant texts 2) early Jews didn’t seem to mind this “dynamic” aspect of the Word of God 3) they seemed to regard other books that didn’t make the canon cut as viable and worthy of study, including their own sectarian writings. All of this pushes me further toward my sneaky suspicison that “the Word of God” is more than the Bible and the Bible isn’t the whole story. Do I want to go there? I’m not sure. I skers me.

Another thing I noticed this weekend. I’ve really slowed down. My schedule is still a little hectic, but way less so than before. But more than that, I’ve just slowed down. I walk a slower, I talk slower and use less words, I do less, I’m not in such a hurry all the time, I don’t plan and plot as much, I don’t think so much about tomorrow, next week, next month, next year…I’m generally just learning to live in the now and enjoy the moment. It’s actually quite a freedom trip. Instead of being bound by the bonds of worry, and strapping my significance to my accomplishments (thus the need to plan and scheme on a grandiose scale) I’m learning to just trust God, follow his meanderings in my life and find my identity in him instead of my resume.

It was all that long ago that I talked incessantly, expounded profusely on my opinions, challenged people in theirs and rarely listened. All of this activity found its root in my arrogance, my insecurity, and my judgemental spirit. The more you learn the less you know, the more you find out as you go. I’ve learned that I don’t know much. While on the one hand I understand that I have a measure of intelligence, on the other hand I readily confess that many people know much more than I do and I’m better off listening to learn rather than talking to “teach”. I’ve also come to realize that even though I have things to say much of what I have to say is too controversial for most Christians I know and/or they show little interest talking about these things, so I just don’t say much anymore. When we get together with people nowadays I usually let them do all the talking and I keep my thoughts to myself. If I say something it’s usually in the form of a question that designed to get them to consider an alternative point of view similar to mine. If they reject it I don’t press.

 I used to over extend myself to the point that I was running on the ragged edge and beyond. I did this because it made me feel important, as if I were giving my all to the Lord and doing something worthwhile with all my busyness. I’ve come realize the fallacy of this point of view and now instead of constantly thinking about the future and constantly planning and scheming I am nstead learning to count my blessings, enjoy the simple life, and live in the grace of God that doesn’t require as much from me as my legalistic, performace based mentality required.

I used to read the scriptures about resting in God, the peace of God, the joy of the Lord and all that and I just couldn’t fathom it. I figured that someday I’d arrive there if I worked hard enough. But, I’ve learned through my failures, false starts, and my illness that God walks alot slower than I do.

This came to me yesterday as I leisurly filled up my gas tank, breathed in the crisp fall air, looked around at the people around me. I just kind of zoned out and was just looking around at the world around me, perhaps like a baby does. No agenda, no perspective, no analysis, no plans, no nothing. (And this in spite of the fact that I’m in a pressure cooker point of life with a new job, major issues going on w/my extended family, and broke as Job’s turkey!) With a start it dawned on me that I was relaxed and was thinking about absolutely nothing. Ahhh, how grand! Maybe this is part of what Jesus meant about being like a child.

 

That Borat thing w/the UPC thing. haha. I found a UPC pastor who posted a video blog in response to the Borat clip. His response was totally lame and self-serving. I left two comments telling him I thought the UPC deserved getting mocked because they’d made a mockery of the operation of gifts of the spirit. He deleted my comments. I posted them again and asked why my previous comments had been deleted. My comments were deleted again. I did it again. He deleted them again. I went in under a third name and said something like, “Right on brother, you tell ‘em! Great blog!”. Amazingly, this comment is still there and I doubt will ever be deleted. haha. What a dweeb!! His name is Scott Phillips and he pastors a UPC church in Clinton, MS.  YOu can get a link to his webcast thing at www.spirituabuse.org. On the home page is a link to the story and then a link to Scott’s response. What a dork!

This weekend was a mixed bag.

 The guy who was going to lease me his shop for my agency ripped me off for $800. He wouldn’t return my entire deposit. So, I guess I’ll have to take him to small claims court. I’m so tired of getting ripped off by people.

 On the bright side, I am pretty happy with the way that I responded to him. He was getting all defensive, raising his voice, lying about past conversations…basically trying to bully me. I was angry and my dander was up but I stayed calm and tried to reason with him. I made my case clear and left no doubt that I thought he was being unfair. When he refused to budge I let it be and left his office.

It wasn’t too long ago that I’dve went off on the guy and ripped him a new one. Then I would have gone home and stewed about it for months and I would have taken every opportunity to bad mouth him to anybody who would listen.

But, by mid-afternoon the Lord had reminded me of the scripture to pray for our enemies and those who despitefully use us and he reminded me of the Lord’s prayer where we ask him to forgive us as we forgive those that have sinned against us. He reminded me of the comment Brian McLaren made in his latest book when he noted that it’s much easier to put up with mean people when we realize that they’re only doing what they know to do according the world system way of thinking, and that we live by a revolutionary code and don’t respond to situations they way they do. So, I actually prayed for him and forgave him. Awesome. But, I’m still going to take him to court and let a judge decide if he can keep my money or not.

And then the Lord blessed us with $2000 in sales on my wife’s Ebay account on Sat and Sun. That helps.

I guess there has been some controversy already regarding our new church. Evidently the pastor wanted to arrange it a certain way as far as the relationship between the main church and ours and the board rejected his plan. They’ve been talking about it all week and had an emergency board meeting last night to make a final decision. I’m not sure what they decided to do, Rustin hasn’t called.

I’ve been kind of staying hands off the whole church thing for the time being. I’m just waiting to see how it all plays out. Rustin has taken charge of it so I’m just trying to follow his lead. At this point I’m not sure I’ve my exact role, but I’m sure that will play out in the next few weeks.

 

I guess some assbag hacked my old blog and screwed it up. No matter, n8 hooked me up and where better off for it. I’ll figure out the Flikr thing later, sorry you can’t see my McLaren photos yet. When we transferred the posts over from the old site we lost the titles of the posts and it also looks like we lost the first paragraph of each post. Oh well, that’s the way it goes.

Did you see the YouTube clip of the UPC campmeeting in the Borat movie where he “prays through” and meets his new friend “Mr. Jesus”? OMG! Frikkin’ hilarious! Some UPC pastor posted a really lame video blog response on YouTube. I posted a comment but he must not have liked it because he deleted the comment. Dissent is verboten!! Actung baby! haha

I finished the hardest part of the painting in the office today. Thank God! Now I just have to do some touch up and some trim around some interior office windows. Then we have to replace all the flourescent tubes, pressure wash the sidewalk, clean all the exterior windows, super clean the bathroom, stock up on office supplies, buy two new computer systems, get a new copier, get a new fax machine, buy a CD player to hook the “hold” music, etc…. I’ll be glad when the office is up to par. I hate a sloppy work environment. It must be the German in me.

Thankfully my staff is pulling through for me and we’re ahead of our goals even though I haven’t been producing squat so far. They’re champs. We’re going to kick the rest of the offices asses once we get things rolling. I think I got a double shot of testosterone in my Starbucks this morning.