Apomo

Been tired too because they upped the dosage on my beta-blocker and it makes me tired.

On top of that I have both boys by myself this weekend since momma went to Arkansas to visit her Grandmother who is celebrating her 90th birthday. Hope I make it through the weekend w/out passing out. haha.

Had hoped to go help some guys pass out blankets and food to homeless people on Sunday. But w/both kids that’s a little difficult. Have to do it next time.

My brain has been neutral all week. One of my Texas buddies called me a few days ago and I’ve been running in circles so fast I haven’t had time to call him back. Sorry bro. I’ll try to get ya tomorrow.]]>

Found out today a couple there, whom I hadn’t seen in awhile, are trying to get in touch w/me. They want me to officiate at their wedding! That’s so totally hilarious to me. Here I am trying to run from church and I find a pastoral gig at a drinking party. LOL! Note to self: Check to see if your ordination is still legally valid.

Lots of drama at work this week. My assistant quit and now they’re bringing in a second agent. Not a good idea in my opinion because we tried that a couple months ago and it didn’t work. But the guys in corporate think it’ll work this time. I have my doubts, but I’ll give it my best shot. This will be the third time they’ve tried two agents in this office. Maybe the third time’s the charm. I hope so.

Got a little taste of back stabbing today as another manager told my boss a straight up lie about something I allegedly said. The ironic thing is that this other manager accuses me of saying stuff that they, not me, were saying. I guess the best defense is a good offense.

On top of that my assistant is gone because I put the company’s interest above my own, plus we’re doing better in sales than ever before. But for that loyalty and hard work I’m supposed to be happy about sharing my income with another agent. Sigh. I’m reminded of why I love self-employment so much. I told them I didn’t think it would work, but they think otherwise. I am doing my best to keep a good attitude and to be a company man, but this really sucks.

Took my vitals this afternoon. My blood pressure and pulse rates are higher than normal? Gee, I wonder why.

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It was an interersting experience. Saw a bunch of my old racing friends I hadn’t seen in awhile. People were sucking down beers, knocking back shots, and generally getting a good buzz on. There was a pretty decent bar and drinks were free so people where having a good time.

Somebody dug up some fireworks and began shooting them off in the backyard. Then a couple of guys started shooting bottle rockets at each other, OK Corral style, which was pretty funny. One of them almost hit me but it nose dived into the dirt about five feet in front of me as my friend’s wife screamed, grabbed my arm and jumped behind me to protect herself. 

At about 11:00 pm alot of people started showing up and things started getting a little more active. Somebody started a dance floor thing in the living room so a bunch of the women went there bumpin’ to rap music, a couple of them started dancing together and it got a little dirty. I think that was about the time the cops showed up to tell us to stop shooting fireworks.

Everybody seemed pleasantly surprised to see me there. I’ve known alot of these people for about 8 years and this is the first party I’ve been to. Even at the track when they’d hang out there drinking beer after the races I’d usually go home after right away. They figured, correctly, I wasn’t comfortable and didn’t approve of the heavy drinking.

Got to talking to a guy that helped me out quite a bit when I was racing. He’s actually kind of the leader of our little racing clique. He’s one of those fairly quiet, laid back, kind of aloof guys. He’ll talk, but he’s not the life of the party kind of guy. But a natural leader, and everybody looks up to him. A damn good racer too. He won the track championship last year in only his second year in the premier division. He finished third his rookie year. That’s pretty impressive considering guys he’s racing against have been racing in that division for 20 years and have never won the championship.

Anyway, he and I were hanging out by the fireplace on the back patio and he told me he’d gotten a letter from the doctor the day before that made it seem as if he has liver and thyroid problems. He didn’t want to straight out admit it, but it was obvious he was a little scared. I understand that. He said he went in because he’s been having headaches after a big crash in his race car and the blood tests came back with these problems and it seems serious but he hasn’t been able to talk to a doctor about it yet. It’s the uncertainty that stresses him. I understand that too. I think he felt comfortable talking to me about it because I had told him about my heart problems.

After awhile (at about 12:30 am) I mentioned I was going to head on home even though it was obvious the party was just getting started. I’m usually in bed by 9:30 pm, so this was a late night for me. He asked if I could give him a ride home. So we left his wife at the party and I drove him home. On the way he told me about his concerns for his family and I was impressed with a side of him I’d never seen before. A very thoughtful guy with a big heart. I invited him to my Super Bowl party and he said he might be able to make it. I hope he does.]]>

*********************
Hey, I enjoyed our talk earlier today. I’d like to pick up that
conversation down the road sometime if we get a chance. I think it’s
something worthwhile to talk about.I won’t presume to tell you how to pastor
your church or anything like that. I used to be a good back seat, Monday
morning pastor, but I’ve since given that job up to other people.
  
  But I do believe very strongly that the “key to success” for a/the
church is found in the area of giving of itself to the poor and the
disadvantaged. I think this speaks to the heart of the gospel which is love
and hope expressed in unselfishness from those that have to the have
nots. The heart of the gospel is hope, not the death, burial, and
ressurection of Christ. The cross is of immense importance but only because it
allows us access to hope; hope for today and hope for eternity. In the
Beatitudes and the sermon on the mount, and other places, it seems more
than evident to me that Jesus meant to bring to the world a hope that
not only SHOULD things be better but they actually CAN be better. That’s
what made the gospel good news because most people are stuck in their
ruts and have no idea how to get out and most have no understanding that
a better life is possible. I think we all agree that a better life is
what we OUGHT to have, but I don’t believe most people believe they CAN
have it.
  
  Especially the people who aren’t even at the bottom rung of the
ladder; I’m talking about the ones who aren’t even on the ladder and have no
idea where the ladder is and if they knew where it was would not have
the ability or the confidence to grab at even the bottom rung. They’re
lying in the gutter of the world and are miserable in their ignorance
and their addictions. For anybody, whether Christian, Jew, Buddhist,
Hindu, Moslem or atheist to come along and offer them help, to treat them
with dignity, and show them the ladder is doing the work of Christ.
Isn’t that the point of the parable of the good Samaritan? I think that
overall this is where the church has missed it to a large degree; I mean
the universal church not WC in particular. I’m not being critical, just
trying to be observant. I think our end game has been good, we want to
create a community of believers that do this selfless work from a pure
heart. I think that all pastors would give their right nut to have a
church that reached out to the unfortunate spontaneously and without a
program to guide and cajole them.
  
  I kind of wonder though if maybe we’ve gone at it the wrong way.
We’ve tried to change peoples minds with the hope that their actions will
change accordingly. So we teach, we preach, we organize, and we hope
that a cerebral, intellectual message will affect a mental change which
will manifest itself in a change in behavior. We hope that if we talk
enough in preaching and prayer that it’ll affect the walk of the church.
There are some people where this approach works. But I think most
people, especially postmodern people, are more emotional than intellectual.
If we don’t connect with them emotionally with a message then it doesn’t
generally take root. Science, logic, debate, and linear thinking of the
modern age has produced a cynicism in people’s minds to where they
don’t really trust “facts” and intellectual, cerebral arguments aren’t as
compelling as they were in times past. I think that most people today,
raised in a multi-media environment, connect with truth on an emotional
level before they’ll allow the Holy Spirit to change their hearts.
Again, this is a broad brush that I’m painting with, but generally more
true every day as we go deeper and deeper into the postmodern age.
  
  This is why the arts are so powerful today. The arts don’t generally
care what you think about as long as they can make you FEEL something.
I just heard a quote by Tupac Shakur to that effect. So they’ll put all
sorts of trash in  front of you to illicit an emotional response. An
emotional response will generate some sort of behavior on your part that
produces money for the producer of the art. If you like the show,
you’ll keep watching it and they can sell advertising. If you don’t like it
enough you’ll complain about it and negative publicity is better than
no publicity at all which generates into money. If there is no emotional
response either way they cancel the show no matter how intelligent,
smart, or good it’s message may be. That’s why “Extreme Make Over: The
Home Edition” is smash hit and Amy Grant’s “Three Wishes” was cancelled.
They’re both saying the same message, but Amy’s show didn’t grab the
audience on an emotional level. That’s why “The Lord of the Rings” is more
successful than “The Chronicles of Narnia”. Both were written by
Christians and both are metaphors for the gospel, but one clicks with the
audience and the other doesn’t. One grabbed you by the neck and wouldn’t
let you go, the other was a good movie for kids and that’s about it.
  
  Music is the same way. You can have the best lyrics in the universe,
but if the music sucks people won’t listen to it. That’s the problem,
in my opinion, with Christian music. Most of the lyrics are weak and the
music is worse. But, you take a band like U2 who are Christians (even
though alot of Christians don’t claim them) and sing alot about the
gospel yet they connect in a huge way with people. They’re the biggest band
in the history of music, period. Their intentions are the same as any
pastor, they want to change the world for Christ. They’re approach to
their music is simple. They create the music first and make sure it’s
good music and then bend the message around it. If they put the message
first and didn’t pay much attention to the music they wouldn’t be
successful. Why? Because they understand that music is what connects to people
emotionally, more so today than ever before and it’s going to be more
so in the future. If listener doesn’t make an emotional connection to
the
music then they won’t listen to the lyrics and hear the message and at
that point you have zero chance at making any sort of spiritual impact
on them.
  
  I think that the church should learn from this. I think one huge way
to connect with people emotionally is to get them to do something
tangible, especially in the area of injustice. Addressing injustice is
becoming a key issue of the postmodern age and I think it’ll continue to
grow in prominence as time goes on. You can see the huge response to Live
Aid and all the work that’s being done on the One Campaign, the huge
popularity of all the colored wristbands, the popularity of TV shows like
CSI and Law and Order: Special Victims Unit and there’s even a new show
out called Injustice. People know the world’s screwed up and they want
to do something about it. But they don’t know what to do because it’s
such a huge problem and they don’t have faith in the government or the
church to do something meaningful about it. So they participate
vicariously through TV shows and social justice campaigns and hope for the
best.
  
  So, my theory is that if we can connect people emotionally to a
biblical cause that their involvement will draw them into the gospel message
of selfless love and hope and in the process of doing the work of God
they’ll be changed too. Part of the problem is that we try to talk them
into spiritual change, sometimes using emotion to do so. But we should
encourage them to be the gospel in action in the world through some
sort of charitable ministry to the disadvantaged and in doing so they’ll
become emotionally connected to the work and this will be the open door
through which the Holy Spirit will make them new people and change
their own values.
  
  In the context of our society I can’t think of any better way for
this to happen than for the church to make than the addressing  injustice
and charity and bringing hope to the world today. I’m not talking about
any sort of social gospel or anything like that. I’m just saying that
if we can get people to care for other people that in the end the
caregiver is changed as much, if not more, than the receiver of care. If
enough of this happens it will change the character of a local church and
all the spirituality and community we all want so bad will happen
naturally as byproduct. To continue to talk about this over and over and to
organize community and spirituality through programs and special
meetings tends to dissolve into religiousity and puts the focus on the local
church instead of the kingdom of God.
  
  Anyway, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. haha. I just felt to
share that with you. Hope it’s helpful and encouraging. I think your
impulses in this area are the right ones and I want to encourage you to
keep this in the forefront of your thinking. But, like I said this
morning, perhaps this is what’s God is doing in me and I’m projecting onto
others. I don’t think so, but it could be. Am I prophet or am I just
convicted; or both? Who knows? haha. I’m not preaching at you or shaking my finger at anybody. Just hoping to say what I’ve been thinking about lately because it sounds like you’ve been thinking much the same stuff.
   
  Peace,
 
Brian
  
  P.S. When I talk about the poor and the disadvantaged I’m not just
talking about the homeless and the addicted. Obviously they’re the
critical care cases. But, I’m also talking about the less talented, the less
intelligent, the people who are for whatever reason just incapable of
succeeding in a captalistic, modern, aggressive, self-centered,
individualistic society. I’m talking about the people that just aren’t that
bright. They’re a couple french fries short of a happy meal and they just
can’t compete. So they’re relegated to menial jobs and have no
prospects. Life is tough for them. They need the help of those that are
smarter, more capable, those that know how to play the game and know how to
get ahead. Those people have a moral responsiblity to as rich people to
help the others who are relatively poor. We can do this in a dignified
manner, but it must be done. If the people of any church would begin to
see the needs of the people sitting in front of them or behind them and
take the initiative to help those people first can you imagine the
spiritual impact that would have in that church? That’s the essence of
spiritual community in my opinion.]]>

I guess some employees were talking shit on the company and linking the company’s website in their blogs.

So, now I have to do it from home which means it will probably mean less posts. That’s probably a good thing anyway.]]>

I am embarrassed to sit in an ivory tower and make grandiose and noble pronouncements about what the church should do about this or that and I myself do nothing as well. Seems like such a waste and more than a little hypocritical for me to say the church should be more involved in addressing injustice and need in the world when I myself do absolutely nothing but lament it. The Bible talks about how useless it is to wish a brother well who has need yet do nothing to help him. “Prayin’ for ya bro!” comes out one side of my mouth and “Damn, the church should do something about that!” comes out the other side. I’ve been doing that and am embarrassed by it. Convicted by it.

This satisfaction in conviction is easy to fall into and it’s easy to be deceived thinking you’re enlightened and a part of the solution by your mere knowledge of the problem. This condition is tempting and self-gratifying as I congratulate myself on how perceptive I am for noticing the poor and connecting the dots in scripture to see that Jesus wants me help them. “Aren’t I quite the post-modern Christian!” I sub-conciously declare as I mentally pat myself on the back and physically do nothing. What’s the net result in that case for the poor? Zip.

It’s so easy to fall into this trap, especially for Christians who are faithful to church. Too often we think it’s the churches responsiblity to do these things. If we’re mature enough to accept personal responsibility we justify our personal non-involvement by rationalizing, “Hey, I gave at church.” It’s even more tempting to fall into this justification by association when we’re involved in a church that actually does reach out to the poor and disadvataged. “Hey, I gave at church and our church cares about those people. Look what we’re doing for them!”. We wrap ourselves in the compassion of “we” when in fact “we” is usually a small minority “them” within the church who are actually doing the ministry. We’re involved only by proxy because the Paretto Principle estimates 80% of the work in any organization is done by 20% of the people. Unless I’m one of the 20%, I really don’t have much right to talk about “we”. (My personal experience is it’s usually a 90/10 or 95/5 sweat equity split in church work, but I digress).

Seen from another point of view, this same situation applies to the fans of reality TV shows like “Extreme Make-Overs: The Home Edition” or other spinoffs like “Three Wishes” (did that get cancelled?) and others.  I’m a HUGE fan of these shows! I love ‘em! I’m almost counting the days since the new season starts this Sunday. I cry every time when Ty shouts “Bus driver! Move that bus!” and the family is overcome at the sight of their new home. On one level, I think these shows are beautiful dramatizations of the gospel and what Jesus said we ought to do in regards to community.

On another level though, I think they can be dangerous if we allow ourselves to be lulled into some sort of personal complicity in the show as if we have something to do with helping these people just by our watching someone else do it. I guess in a way we do help, because if we didn’t watch it the show would be cancelled those people wouldn’t get their new house. But I think Jesus wants us to be more involved than that when he tells us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. He wasn’t envisioning a welfare community as much as he was a network of people reaching out to those near them and giving and helping as the needs present themselves.

But, watching those shows I can easily get so emotionally attached to the moment that I feel as if I’ve actually done something by being happy for those people. “I’m so happy for them! See! I really do care! I watch it every week and I’m touched by it. Aren’t I an enlightened Christian?” I say to myself as I go to bed feeling so good for having “participated” in the show. It’s a convoluted way of thinking but easy for me to lapse into if I’m not paying attention.

So, I’ve been looking for ways to get my beliefs out of my cyber-world, out of my reality TV world and into the real world. I went to church yesterday with my wife and the church is getting together a group of people who are getting blankets, coats, socks, etc… and distributing them to homeless people. They did it last month for the holidays but want to follow up on that project. I think that’s good. But, I was reminded of this group mentality even then. I looked around as the pastor was announcing this and saw alot of nodding heads, smiles of approval, and general looks of concern. How many times have I done that too and felt great about being a part of a group that does stuff like that but never did anything myself yet took credit by mere association for the sacrifice of others?

I continued to look around and noticed a homeless guy sitting in the back. I’ve seen him before so I assume he’s a regular. More regular than my once-every-six-weeks-whether-I-want-to-or-not attendance I ‘m sure. I wondered why the church doesn’t concentrate their efforts on him? Maybe they’ve tried to help him, I don’t know. But this stuff came to my mind and I felt compelled to finally DO something. So, I raided my wife’s purse, raided my wallet, grabbed my 8 yr old and went outside to find the guys shopping cart. I stuck the cash, about $15, in the pocket of his extra coat. I considered giving it to him personally but didn’t want to offend his dignity and wanted to teach my kid a lesson about doing good works in secret. (Now son, don’t tell anybody what you’ve done. But it’s ok to blog about it.) haha. Anyway, my son thought it was pretty cool and we decided to do this everytime we come to church and see him there. Baby steps.

So, I’m still looking for something I can do to put my money where my mouth is, to get my hands and feet to back up my talk. We have a new neighbor who goes to a church here in my town. I noticed in the paper today that they do “Celebrate Recovery”. Maybe I can go there and help out.  ]]>

It was interesting to watch the post-game interviews with Matt Leinart and Vince Young. It goes to the post on masks from a couple days ago. Matt was very forthright. He said it sucks, we’re the better team. Vince Young was more politically correct in his remarks saying all the right things, taking the “high road”.

Some would call Matt’s comments sour grapes and being a poor loser and unsportsmanlike. Me? I loved it. I like it when people speak the truth. He’s right, USC is the better team. But they didn’t make the plays and Vince did. If they were playing a series I’d put my money on USC. Vince tried to say that his getting dissed at the Heisman wasn’t a motivating factor. Snort, yeah right. You can say what’s on your mind and not be disrespectful and a trash talker. Doing the spin thing like a PR guy is insulting to my intelligence (limited as it is).
 
The Orange Bowl was pretty good too. I love how Bobby Bowden and Joe Paterno show such genuine respect for each other. Now THAT’S sportsmanship.]]>

I kind of feel a kinship to that stage. I think that’s where I am. I’m still interested in all the church, theology, God stuff but I’m pretty tired of it right now. I really just want to learn about the world, culture, and all that stuff that is so foreign to me. I just have very little desire to think about, talk about, read or discuss “spiritual” or biblical stuff.

I have a ton of theology stuff I’ve been planning to read but I just don’t have an interest in it. So far on this journey I’ve followed my interests and it’s worked out ok. I guess I’ll just have to continue to trust my insticts on this even though it feels weird in some ways. Brennan Manning’s about the only thing that interests me from the church world right now. Otherwise I’m totally intol Rolling Stone, Wired, MTV, buying music, reading about music artists, etc… Really weird and uncomfortable in some ways.

Trying to get a mental image of this last night I thought of the scene in “The Village” where that blind girl climbs over the wall of her old world and lands on the path outside and meets a man in a car who tries to help her. She’s full of distrust because she’s been told that everybody except those in her village are evil, she has no idea what a car is and she scared to death. But she’s desperate and senses that he’s a good person and decides to trust him.

I’m kind of like her. I figured out that the religious boogey man of my past is a sham and I’ve climbed the wall out of the church. But I’m blind, I have no idea what the hell is going on out here in culture and the way it works is foreign to me. My perspective is so skewed I may as well be blind because my eyes don’t tell me the truth of what I see. It’s somewhat confusing. Yet for all the trepidation I feel a sense of goodness here. God is out here, I sense it here and there. I’m just trying to figure it out.

I think that’s why I’m so attracted to Bono and U2. Not in a gay way, but in a kindred spirit way. I’m reading the books and articles and I’m learning vicariously through people that I’ve always been told to distrust yet I sense a strong spiritual kinship with them. I’m standing here blind on the path at the edge of my old universe and I’m asking them to help me figure out what to do next so that I can go back and help my old world somehow.

I don’t know. Such a weird mix of metaphors.]]>

Got a Sheryl Crow best of CD from 03 today. I’m surprised at how many of her songs I know. Didn’t realize it was her.

Got a Franz Ferdinand CD yesterday, they’re alot different than I imagined. I thought they’d be kind of like Matchbox 20, Coldplay, Maroon 5 type sound. They’re more old school punk than I figured they’d be. Reminds me alot of the Clash compilation CD set I got last week.

As I type this Florida State is handing a huge can of whoop ass to Penn State. I love a good upset.

What’s up with Maurice Clarett? Two years ago he’s on a championship football team, today he’s arraigned for armed robbery. Sad.

Uh oh. Penn State just tied the game. I love big time college ball!]]>